I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
