I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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