The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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