and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize