smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
