I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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