Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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