My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize