mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
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