she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
