I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize