I'm eating all of the evidence.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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