Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
