i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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