so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
