yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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