I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
