Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
