Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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