There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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