She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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