I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
