If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
