Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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