Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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