The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
