I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
