I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
