This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
