I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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