I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I intend to get homeless drunk
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
