So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
