Don't make out with my wife yet
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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