So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
