um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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