we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
