Yo dont text me then not text me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
