My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
