Did I show you my penis last night?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
