is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
