can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
