Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
