Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
