I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
