were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
