When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
