You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Blood and glitter go together right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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