I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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