I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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