i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
