Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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