Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I didn't notice because vodka
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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