nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize