i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
