i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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