So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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