i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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