His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
