I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
