I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
