I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
