Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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