Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
