If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
not ubering you a puppy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
