Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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