i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
