the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
