Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize