...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
