if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
