Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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