You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize