I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
