I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
