Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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