we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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