All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
my poor anus
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
