I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize