Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
