He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
