omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize