Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
