He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
