Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
love makes seman taste better
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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