I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
