perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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