i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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