Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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