he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
