Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
