My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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