there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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