dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
