Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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