shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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